Fifty ways to make a Greek man happy (Rated U)

Seeing as it is the New Year and how many of us have made new year’s resolutions including ones involving relationships, we thought that now would be a good time to post this comical piece for a bit of fun! Some of you may not want to make your Greek man happy and even we can’t be bothered at times, but still, when in doubt it is good to have something to refer to.

The following list is non-exhaustive so please feel free to comment and add your own:

  1. Be a woman – all a Greek man secretly wants/needs is a woman who can look after him and cook his meals – so forget all that rubbish about “equality” and bin your suffragette sash.
  2. Regularly tell him that he is wiser than Zeus and more handsome than Hercules.
  3. Be deeply involved with his family – this doesn’t mean just visiting your in-laws on the rare occasion, this means seeing them everyday for at least 3 hours.
  4. Cook for him wherever and whenever he needs food.
  5. Cook for his family when they visit.
  6. Cook for the dog.
  7. Take part in activities that he likes e.g. visiting his relatives.
  8. Listen actively – all Greek men like to think that their voice is being heard, even if you have secretly stuffed cotton wool in your ears.
  9. Buy him his favourite aftershave.
  10. Buy him a Rolex.
  11. Buy him a Mercedes.
  12. Buy him something so expensive that you become bankrupt.
  13. Be the perfect hostess when he invites family/friends round unexpectedly, even when you are in your pyjamas ready for bed.
  14. Never go to bed early unless he does – you’ve got cleaning to do.
  15. Make sure you always look happy – a grumpy wife does not a happy husband make.
  16. Make him laugh – even if he is laughing AT you rather than WITH you.
  17. Don’t ask him to look after the children – that is a woman’s job.
  18. Let him have the TV remote – you shouldn’t be watching TV anyway, you should be in the kitchen cooking his meal.
  19. Appreciate his interests and praise his efforts – this will give him a feeling of pride.
  20. Give him regular massages, particularly if he has had a hard day at work. (The dinner should be prepared in advance).
  21. Don’t moan when he wants to have a night out with his fellow gang of Greeks – even though you haven’t been allowed out since you met him.
  22. Take care of your appearance but don’t overdo it – you don’t want to be accused of deliberately trying to tempt other men.
  23. Greet your man at the door when he comes home from work – obviously this won’t be easy if you finish work later than he does.
  24. Always agree with your man’s opinion when discussing topics with friends – you are of one mind – HIS mind.
  25. Regularly compliment your man – make sure that you at least appear sincere.
  26. Avoid comments that threaten his ego e.g. “You look fat” should become “Shall I cook you something healthy tonight dear?”
  27. Pursue an interest together – like washing his car. WARNING: DO NOT drive his car!!
  28. Remind your man that no-one else will ever compare to him – this is probably true, for no-one quite compares to a Greek man (sarcasm intended).
  29. Never question his judgement/knowledge – he is a man AND a Greek and is therefore omniscient.
  30. Show him physical affection from time to time, once all your other chores are done.
  31. Make a fuss over him when he is ‘ill’ – he may pretend to be big and strong but deep down he is just as vulnerable as a child.
  32. Show him you need him and don’t attack his masculinity – even though it is quite obvious that you could easily do his job and more – a Greek man has to feel like he is the head of the house.
  33. Listen to his needs – he may have many of them so ensure that the dinner is ready before you ask him.
  34. Give him space – he needs time alone to watch Wheeler Dealers – use this time wisely, while he is distracted you can scoff the last Baklava.
  35. Remain calm during arguments and attempt to divert his attention with a food offering.
  36. Show the man some RESPECT – let him have his say, but on the quiet do your own thing.
  37. Learn the Greek language – even if it is just the basics so you will know what he is calling you…
  38. Let him have plenty of alone time with his car – you cannot keep a Greek man from his auto-mistress.
  39. Be spontaneous – surprise him with an extra helping of Moussaka.
  40. Don’t make fun of him – Greek men are easily offended.
  41. Don’t make fun of his relatives.
  42. Attempt to show that you are religious – to please the relatives.
  43. Try not to nag too much – it will remind him of his mother.
  44. Try to look pleased to see him – even when you’ve spent the whole day planning your revenge after he criticised your dinner/appearance/opinion the night before.
  45. Keep your house tidy – Greek men are very fussy and expect their living environment to be clean – you are the housewife so it is your job.
  46. Show your support – try to encourage and motivate him even when his ideas could land him in a mental asylum and/or jail – most Greek men are all talk and little action, so rather than cutting him down, be positive about his plans to open up a lapdancing club – it probably won’t happen.
  47. Share his dreams – see above.
  48. Learn to play Tavli (Greek Backgammon) but make sure he always wins.
  49. Did I mention the Rolex?
  50. BE HAPPY YOURSELF!

So there you have it. Basically the solution to making/keeping your Greek man happy is to attend to his every need, make sure he is well fed and ensure that he always feels that his opinion is heard and valued. Oh and don’t complain about it. Simple!

P.S. Yes that is a photograph of Ekaterina’s father in his younger years, wearing Greek traditional dress and looking like a very smug, happy Greek man. Her mother has since seen to that.

P.P.S Yes of course this piece is stereotypical, no of course it doesn’t apply to ALL Greek men, and don’t we LOVE them really? ABSOLUTELY 😉 

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3 Comments

  1. January 13, 2017 / 8:27 am

    Very funny! Was nodding along to most of these…

  2. Christina
    January 13, 2017 / 11:02 am

    And this is why I married a German English boy who loves Moussaka and pretty much let’s me do whatever the hell I want!

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